THE SORRY

Cowardice to face the consequences of one’s actions is one of the most dreadful things to do. But the worst thing is not even having the guts to accept that we are wrong and facing up to it by saying sorry.

SORRY- just a 5 letter word. 2 syllables. Simple. Easy to say. But not everyone has the heart to speak it out. Human nature, maybe… that kept our pride, ego, and conceit to precede all other things that could have been good in us. Though nobody has died of choking for swallowing his/her own pride— mouthing this word have always been a great burden.

Fueled by fear, insecurity, regret, and guilt… confrontation brings back demons of the past that we have decided long ago to relinquish. We make up several excuses to conceal the magnanimity of the turmoil that our actions has done and to at least save a bit of dignity for ourselves.

But deep inside, we know that hiding from it had only caused us to wallow deeper in regret, guilt, and self-pity. Running from it all will not lead us anywhere, but will only keep us running in circles.

We cannot hide. We cannot flee. These demons of the past would continually haunt us, distort our perceptions, and deceive us. It brings about sleepless nights and relentless bouts of self-pity and shame; obstructing the way to a life characterized by contentment, happiness, and peace.

And we are at a loss on what to do. We thought we won by keeping our mouths shut, when truly, we are the ones on the losing side.

But there’s no reason to lose hope, for just like the words that Rahim Khan told Amir in the novel, The Kite Runner, “There is a way to be good again.” To stop the cycle of deception, guilt, and lies. To bring about a new beginning.

The chance to do it may not happen now, but it will come. Sooner or later, it will. Just like eating green, sour apples at a time when it is not yet ripened can cause a swollen tummy; apology given prematurely can only cause more pain in the end. It might satiate the need to feel at peace, but its taste won’t be as great as apology given in the right time.

An apology rooted sincerely in the core of the heart. Apology that flourished out of a mature heart and conscience that was able to clearly discern the actions that were wrong and to learn to accept all of it. 

An apology that blossomed from the remorse of someone, which have also fueled the desire and inspired the actions of that person to do something good  in return of what was done wrong.

Again, the time to say sorry may not be now, but it will eventually come. A time that is right.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Daily Journals, Personal