Finding Pleasure in Loneliness

It’s grueling to play the role of an independent gal, when a part of me tells me that I long to be with somebody. It is arduous to be this go-to person who’d be all too-willing to talk about the perks of being single to my single friends and teaching them tips on how to make single-hood (or single-blessedness) all worth it; when I know so well that I would rather be not single....
 
Alright. to make things clear: I love having someone around. Not just anybody, but SOMEBODY. 

Not just anyone, but THE ONE.

Someone,  whom I can share my thoughts with, be goofy with— someone who’d simply be there. Someone I can touch, kiss, or hug LEGALLY. I love to eat, watch movies, read books, play board games, bake goodies, lounge wherever doing nothing, listen to music, listen to stories, exchange ideas, and... TALK. And I love doing all those things with another person, not people, since I'm not really into mingling around with big crowds or groups. I miss the warmth, the touch, the company.

I miss it all. I terribly miss it. 

Yeah. true, a lot are making advances at me. Several have made themselves very available to me and my random invitations. Furthermore, my days these days never lack "kilig" moments, hearty compliments, stolen glances, acts of chivalry, casual exchanges of sweet nothings, and gwapo guys (aw!). hahaha! 

However, a part of me is telling me that relationships require immense commitment, responsibility, and maturity. I don’t think I am ready for all of those. 

My quest for balance has not ended yet...

I have yet to realize my potentials, develop my skills, and actualize my plans. Thus, if I enter into a relationship or be involved romantically with a person at this point in time, chances are— the relationship might last for awhile, but it will NOT BE for keeps.  

I don’t want to have those heart-crashing issues and tear-inducing scenarios to crop up AGAIN in my relationships. I’ve had enough all those drama. I want to have a love that lasts. A love that's stable. A love that's right and one that will come at the right time and with the right person. 

Besides, I'm still 21. Why hurry? xD
 

Thus, I have sworn never to allow myself to fall again until I have fully achieved balance, find happiness within myself, and do the things I've set out to accomplish. I must be selfish for now and focus more on "ME"— and to do this, I need to live life and to be happy ALL ON MY OWN.

And so, I will bask in this loneliness I'm feeling right now. I will relish it. I will make the most of it. I've tried to balance having someone around while slowly making my way towards my dreams and goals, but well, it came off skewed... and poof! There goes the happily ever after and promises of forever... Another failed attempt at being Superwoman. LOL!

So, I will take pleasure in just being who I am and doing the things I love. I will be Anj. I won't be just blah-blah's girlfriend. For once, I'm going to give myself the Me-Time it deserves. I will spend more time with my family before I leave them for good.

I will focus more on the things and people that make me happy.
I will eat whatever I want.
Don the style I'm comfortable in.
Have the figure I want.
The hairstyle I want.
Etc. Etc.

This journey will be AWESOME. 

I just knew it! and I believe it with every molecule in my body. :D

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Love and Relationships, Personal, Singlehood