Oh Lurrrve… Why Are You Such A Hassle?

So, here I am, 5 months after another ended relationship. (FYI: I have moved on, my friends are the ones who haven’t. LOL!) 

I have forgotten how many times I’ve cursed love and romance and all those sappy things— only to end up in it again. 

Maybe it is because I feel so loved and not to have anyone to share it with, makes everything less worthwhile? I mean, I love everyone— their quirks, idiosyncrasies, weirdness, habits, and all; for me, it is what makes existence in this world more… fun and unique! However, I could not just give my love to everyone, the way I do to a boyfriend, else, I’d end up looking like a modern-day Mother Teresa or Gandhi or…. an uber-hyper girl on dope. O___o

However, I always end up with someone who.. do not know me. Maybe they know me… a bit… but not really know, know me on a much deeper level. It is not that we do not jive, it’s that they could not understand the reason behind the things I do. 

The values I keep. The dreams I nurture. The passions I have.


Though I am one who say things upfront to them when words are needed, my actions are always taken differently, even my words are interpreted differently. (Like whut?)

I have this tendency to fall for guys I’ve known for quite a long time, believing that these guys know me well enough to realize just what my values and priorities are. However, when we are already in THE relationship—it breaks down. *shatter* *shatter* They end up not knowing me at all or they’re the type who wants to transform me into this somebody they want me to be.  It is all oh-so confusing. Like, seriously?!

Hey, you did court me for who I am right? So, why do you want me to be someone else now? O_O

I’m as clear as a glass. Though I rarely say it, you can tell by my actions just what I wanted or who I am. I get my points straight, so as not to leave any room for confusion or misunderstanding. It is just that, they never really took the time to get to know me deeper-- deeper than how they see me from the outside. (FYI: I am not ranting….)

Though I leave them to their own lives and businesses, remain loyal to them at the expense of getting into the bad side of some of my friends, support them in all their endeavors and hobbies; THEY CANNOT, for the life of them, even show appreciation for the things I do or support me in my passions. (Again, I am not ranting. *on the brink of tears* PERO CHOS LANG! :P )

I have to learn, over and over again, to pat myself in the back when things go well for me and celebrate with myself or my family and friends when I achieve something. They, just, couldn’t understand or appreciate it. Too bad, I can’t be demanding, 

I just can’t find any reason why I should be. (or maybe I should start being more demanding. O.o)

Again, for the nth time (I have to kill myself, err, (a hippo nalang!), if this won’t come true!), I must restrain myself from going into a relationship unless I am a 100% (pwede rin kahit 95% nalang) sure that the guy knows me-- like really know me— to the deepest part of my core, right down from the tip of my head to the end of my ingrown (but I don’t think I have one. So toes nalang..)

Truthfully, I am tired of it all. The adapting, the changing, the whatever-comes-in-a-relationship phases… I’ve grown cynical of it. So far, our family has no history of dysfunctional relationships or broken marriages, and I, for the love of myself, DO NOT WANT to be the forerunner of it.



So, I’m going to steer my energies and focus on: acing my academics, earning heaps and heaps of moolah, achieving a my ideal body, traveling as much as my budget will allow me to, meeting several people from all walks of life, and making significant changes in the society (in my own little ways, of course!) instead of focusing my energies on being with a boyfriend.

Besides, if a guy’s supposed to be with me, then he should first embrace who I am and love it as it is. It is NOT even mandatory that we love the same things or have the same interests; as long as we understand and respect what makes each other happy and let each other grow into the fields we’re good at. What makes it better is if we could be together in attaining our goals and driving each other to great heights! (whooppie!) That’ll be pure awesomeness!

I still believe though that love is NOT a many splendored thing, maybe even it is not really something for me, but hey, if I can have it that way, then I couldn’t ask for more. xD

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Love and Relationships, Personal, Singlehood