This evening was weird. One minute I was looking at my brother and the next thing I know, here I am writing this blog entry about him and the fears I have of him growing up.
I don’t want him to grow up, however, a part of me knows I have to gear myself up for that inevitable day. As a matter of fact, he is even taller than me now (Yes, genetic distribution is definitely unfair). Long gone is that little baby I used to dress up in crazy little outfits and the baby whose little tummy I used to blow to make him giggle incessantly (Damn, I really miss that baby. :c).
In front of me is a boy who will one day be having crushes (Geez… pwede postpone muna yang uyab2x part?). I couldn’t set aside the fact that he is now growing up into a teenager who would soon be a man.
As much as I would want to keep him as the little
brother I do my very best to protect, I know that the time will come when I have to
let him go to make his own path, learn
about life and protect himself on his own.I have to start learning how to not meddle when he gets into trouble and to not solve the problems he will encounter. I have to stop myself from babying him all the time and to start treating him as a teenager who knows how to think for himself.
Moreover, I have to learn how to give him the space he needs to decide on his own and to see for himself what benefits or consequences these decisions he would be making would entail.
Maybe the reason why I fear about my brother getting hurt is that I know for myself how hard this life can be. Much more when I reached high school and college wherein I have made several decisions I now wished I hadn’t made.
I don’t want my brother to go through what I have gone through and to commit the mistakes I had, however, I know it is inevitable. He has to go through all those for him to be strong enough to face the world as an adult and as a father, when time comes that he will have his own family.
Reminding him of little lessons won’t be enough, because I might remind him over and over again, and he still might choose not to listen to me.
All I can do now is trust that he remembers all the things I’ve taught him in facing some of the challenges that he might come face to face with in time.
I have to believe that we have brought him up with good morals, principles and values that will guide him as he makes decisions for himself.
I have to have faith in him to have a conscience that will know what is right from wrong.
But then again, I might not be there to solve his problems for him or be the one who will get him out of trouble, but nevertheless, I will be one of the persons he can rely and depend on to always be there for him when the going gets tough and be his lookout when things get a bit awry.
I
will be the person who will help him in every step of the way and be
the first person to congratulate him in his successes.
I will be his 3rd
most avid fan, following after God and our parents, who will support
him and encourage him to be the best he can be.
Yes, I have to let him go for now, but that doesn't mean I won't be around the corner, waiting for him to come around when he has finished exploring and experiencing the ups and downs of life. I will just be around the corner, ready to assist him and be at his aid when needed.
And of course, I will be that meticulous sister who will go through all his future love interests to check whether they are worthy enough of him
(Yes, pihikan ako. Only the best for him. Bitches not allowed.).
Soon enough, we will be sitting together, while having coffee and playing board games, and reminiscing on the crazy things we used to do back then.
I am his big sister and
he will forever be my little
brother.
PS: I am so emo tonight. Whyyyyyyy is this?
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
